What's A Pod? And How Do I Cast It?


I’m preparing my acceptance speech for the father of the year award. I’m sure that this is not too presumptuous on my part though it may come as a surprise to the youngest Lipton!


I am ALWAYS on time. When The Lipton’s meet for dinner at seven I’m there at 6:50: which makes me 10 minutes late in the eyes of my parents and sister who call the police at 6:55!


I’m worse on travel days. My fiancée and daughter don’t like travel days with me because I drive them hard to be on time, and on time to me is at the airport 2-3 hours before flight time. Love being wonderful and all, my fiancée accepts me like this. My daughter is less forgiving.


The drama comes when we get to the gate. My daughter rolls her eyes as if to say “you SEE you stubborn, old, balding and annoying man? Now we have to WAIT an HOUR! I could have stayed home in my pajamas and INSTAGRAM’D for an hour longer and STILL have been on time!”


My explanation is always the same: "it went fine this time, and so we wait. But I leave early for the time that all does NOT go fine!" It always struck me as reasonable explanation for why I'm so annoying on travel days.


This morning at 1 AM my daughter called me from the airport in Barcelona. She was crying hysterically. I think you know where this is going!


Turns out that airlines in Europe post the departure time of a flight and then strangely enough....depart! So when she got to the gate 4 minutes (probably an hour!) later than that, she was shocked to find the plane gone and her weekend ruined. Cue the tears and the call to "daddy" (who is dad, Padj and old man all other times other than 1AM emergencies).


Here’s where the father of the year committee picked up on my nomination. This was the greatest opportunity at “I TOLD YOU” ever in history. She certainly had it coming. I can't count the number of times she's heard me say (or yell) "GET MOVING, we NEED to be at the airport TWO hours before the flight!"


If you ask her (I won't risk that) even she would probably say she had it coming and that my restraint was impressive and worthy of award.


Here’s the thing: I don’t like to say what doesn’t need saying and clearly Air Portugal has taught her a lesson that 21 years of my parenting had failed to teach her! The horse was dead, no point in continuing the beating. The magnanimity I showed on that 1 AM phone call leads to this nomination. I’d like to thank the academy!


If all I said were things that were known, how long would you read this column? So I try hard to shed new light and speak new word