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Writer's pictureMark Lipton

Revenge of THE Nerds!

For the nation’s largest college football programs the first weeks of the season are spent playing one-sided contests against small market teams purpose-selected for their proximity, and good sportsmanship in the face of humiliation.


THE games are scheduled as tune-ups for the larger schools, live competition as they prepare for a run at the College Football Playoffs and National Championship.  All while padding the win column in an effort to get to the likely 11 wins a team will need to be invited to that dance. 


To allow the practice Natty contenders pay the small schools to appear in the game; just last week THE Ohio State Buckeyes paid Western Michigan $1.8 million to make the drive from Kalamazoo to Columbus only to succumb to the one-sided thrashing.


The practice allows outcomes so uninteresting, that like Western Michigan I’ll only bother with the game if I think I can make a buck!



The previous week my Buckeyes paid the University of Akron $1.8 million to spar with their football team and this week they’ll pay Marshall $1.6 million to appear in a game with no pretense of being a competitive match.


Marshall being no more likely to challenge the # 3 ranked Buckeyes than were Akron or Western Michigan.


THE Buckeyes of course are not alone in this practice, last week top ranked Georgia played Tennessee Tech while # 6 Ole Miss played Middle Tennessee, games each team receiving $1.6 million to appear.


The price of futility. 


Also last week the Huskies of Northern Illinois played the fifth-ranked Notre Dame Fighting Irish, a stint which earned the NIU a $1.6 million payment.  


But after cashing the check Huskies coach Thomas Hammock told his players he believed they could beat Notre Dame, which improbably they went on to do in one of college football's greatest upsets.


In a sport known for great upsets!


Brought to their feet were fans of the Huskies who would have been the loudest voices in the sports bars and man caves had they bothered to make those plans.  But with no inkling that the accountants were about to thrash the bullies most Northern Illinois alumni likely watched the game alone, with (almost) no one to record THE excitement!


In their next game the Huskies play the NC State Wolfpack, a team ranked 24th in the pre-season poll.  Another payday for the Huskies and the first opportunity since 1963 for fans of the team to gather and celebrate football.


With junk food and football my Saturday milieu I was hoping to snag an invite to a watch party for the next Husky game, even scanning my LinkedIn network looking for a match: a Husky willing to make me their plus-one or at-least lift the rope so I could sneak in.


I’d reciprocate the invite when next the Buckeyes play THE Huskies, which happens on September 16th 2028. I'd even committing to buying the first round if my date wanted to catch the game at Stamford’s best sports bar.


Though when it comes to commitment, I don’t think I’m THE problem!   





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